Marriage can be a difficult adjustment for many couples. Going from being two individuals with separate lives, to living life as, and being thought of as, a couple can be strange.  From being asked to events as a single person, the invitation now comes to both of you. Instead of just saying “Yes, I’d love to come” there is now another person to consider. This is where the hesitation comes in and a husband or wife finds themselves saying, “I’ll see if we’re free on that night”.

Weddings Las Vegas’ newest web site “Beyond the Vows” is dedicated to helping couples move from living individual lives, to living life as a couple. This can be very complicated if children are part of the equation.

And that’s where the puzzle starts, with children.

The first step in trying to put all the puzzle pieces together begins before the marriage.  If there are children from one or both sides of the soon-to-be marriage, it is important to be sure to include the children, if they are old enough, in the planning of the wedding, and in being part of the wedding.  Generally a bride wants to be the “star” of the show when it comes to her wedding, but if she has children from a previous marriage, or if she is marrying a man who has children already, she will have to understand that she is no longer the main attraction.

Actors often remark that being on stage or in a film with a child is the biggest scene stealer of all.  Brides who are wise will understand those words and prepare for this on the day of the wedding.  Children are born scene-stealers so it is best to work with them, rather than to work against them.

So how does one do this?

The number one rule is don’t try to replace a child’s own mother or father – and don’t try to be the child’s friend. You are going to be a step-mother or step-father and that is the special role you will be playing in their lives.

Do either of you have teenagers? Teenagers are wonderful and can be a great help, but don’t be surprised if they are resentful of the fact that their mother or father is getting married again. The better you understand this, the easier it will be to plan your wedding, and to have a successful joining of families.

Of course, this resentment won’t just be coming from teenagers. Younger children can feel the same resentment, but in a more acting out way.

So – in planning the wedding let the children be involved. Any school age child is old enough to do something to help in the planning. The youngest ones can fill paper cups with pastel almonds (make sure they don’t eat as many as they put into the cups) or put name tags on a table at the reception, older children can help to stuff the invitation envelopes, check off names on a list, help to make name tags for the reception, or . . . whatever seems appropriate for their age.

And every little girl, or even every big girl, loves to dress up. So if at all possible, try to make the children part of the wedding party. Little flower girls, little ring boys, junior bridesmaids, junior groomsmen, regular bridesmaids or groomsmen. Often, if the wedding is very small a wise bride will ask her son to walk her down the aisle, or even a son and daughter, if she has both. The groom will ask his son to be his best man – or even have his daughter stand in as the best “man”. At a time like this, when trying to integrate two families into one – bridal protocol takes a back seat to reality.

How does this work? Very simply. In fact, the simpler the better.

Here is a scenario with which you can use as a guide for your own wedding –

Let us suppose that the Bride has 2 children from a previous marriage, the groom has 3 from 2 previous marriages. The Bride’s children are a girl 14 and a boy 7. The Groom’s children are a girl 16, a boy 12, and a boy 5.

The first is to make sure that the children will be attending the wedding. Once in a while an angry previous spouse will decide, at the last moment, that he/she must have the children on the same weekend that the ex-spouse is getting remarried.  If this happens, don’t take it out on the children. They are in the middle and should not be asked to choose sides.  REMEMBER – they may really want to be part of your wedding, but they may also feel they are betraying their mother or father by wanting this. Try to settle the dispute between the two of you, you are the adults – and if it can’t be settled put on a great face for the children and just let them know that you will miss them at the wedding, but that you understand the problem.

If the children are going to be with you on the wedding day – that will be special for all of you.  So let us look at the above scenario –

Bride’s children – the 14 year old girl could be either the Maid of Honor or a Bridesmaid. If she is really small, and you have others in the wedding party, make her a special junior bridesmaid. The 7 year old boy can either walk his mother down the aisle, unless the bride’s father is alive and wants to do this. If that is the case, the 7 year old boy can be the ring bearer.

Groom’s children – the 16 year old girl can certainly be a bridesmaid, or stand up with her father. The 12 year old boy can be a junior groomsman or the best man. The 5 year old boy can walk down the aisle carrying the rings, a bible, or whatever. Just let him be part of the wedding. Many times it is best to let the children decide how they want to participate in the wedding.

The next step is to find the right wedding venue. Don’t make it so fancy that the children feel uncomfortable and you are constantly worried that they will do something wrong. Find a simple, but comfortable, place to get married. Weddings Las Vegas offers a very special and unique wedding for couples combining families. Named  the “Family Wedding”, this wedding ceremony celebrates not only the bride and groom, but also the families that are coming together in this union. It celebrates the children as well as the parents.

Does all this sound like a lot of work? Well, it is – and isn’t the bringing together of two families worth the work? What you do on your wedding day may well decide the direction your marriage will take.

If you have to, skimp on the money you spend, but under no circumstances should you ever skimp on the relationships you will be building for the next several decades.

Visit the new Weddings Las Vegas web site “Beyond the Vows” and also take a look at our “Ultimate Las Vegas” site giving you a lot of information about this great city.

By Fr. David St. John

I have officiated thousands of weddings over the years – in churches, of course, but also seemingly everywhere else, from private backyards to the Grand Canyon. Many of those weddings were small enough and simple enough to not require any sort of professional coordination. These are, by the way, my favorites – simple and heartfelt, where the meaning is more important than the logistics.

On the other hand, a large share of the weddings I have done, are larger affairs, involving a wedding party loaded with attendants (often including ring bearers and flower girls barely able to walk, and totally unaware that they are actually supposed to go all the way down the aisle). The larger weddings also require music, sound systems, and flowers, plus the optional aisle runners, photographers, videographers and the like.

In most cases, these larger weddings – held at specialized function rooms, ballrooms, and country clubs – are coordinated in varying degrees of professionalism. While I have never witnessed or been involved in the “perfect “ wedding, most of them go along with relatively minor hitches (pardon the pun). But there have been a few – and at very luxurious and high-class venues – that were devoid of any visible means of coordination. To my shock and dismay, the coordination has been totally left up to the bride and groom, if not one of the mothers or best friends!

In fact, very recently, I celebrated a wedding at a fabulous location, high up in a hotel with an unbelievably beautiful nighttime view of the entire Las Vegas Strip. The setting was perfect. The room was professionally decorated with flowers, and the buffet dinner and desserts being prepared for the reception after the ceremony were first class. The only problem was that the wedding coordinator, who had worked with the couple for months prior to their big day, was not there. She had left the job of being present to a fellow employee in the banquet department who, A) didn’t know anything about weddings in general , and, B) didn’t have a clue about this wedding in particular. When asked any questions about the ceremony, the procession, the placement of attendants, the recessional, or anything else – his answer was always, “I don’t know. She didn’t tell me anything.”

As a result, I became the wedding coordinator, along with the bride’s father, her mother, her best friend, and her hairdresser. Together, we got the groom sequestered, and the bride and her bridal party from her suite to the wedding location. We arranged the wedding party in the proper order and gave brief instructions on how to process, where to stand, and how to recess. Actually, as it turned out, we made a very good team – but, we shouldn’t have had to do that.

It was not a hardship on me, but the bride’s mother and father, and her best friend, among others, should have been able to relish their various roles and merely enjoy the wedding, rather than having to be pressed into service.

The bottom line – and the reason for my writing this blog – is to encourage you to make sure your wedding venue provides a professional coordinator – and to implore you to speak openly with them and find out what their job includes. Will they be there on your wedding day? If not, will they have someone there who knows as much as they do about all your plans and requirements?

If not, you’ll wish I were there, along with this particular bride’s mother, her father, her best friend, and, perhaps, her hairdresser. We have experience, and make pretty darn good wedding coordinators. I welcome your comments.

I am often asked to suggest Scripture readings for wedding ceremonies and am happy to share them with you here.

The most obvious readings are those that seem to have been written specifically for a wedding ceremony. From the Old Testament, one often hears a reading from Chapter 2 of Genesis, in which God creates Eve from Adam’s rib: “This is why a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Another favorite of mine comes from the Apocryphal book of Tobit (Tobit 8:4b-8), in which Tobiah and his wife, Sarah, arise and pray to the Lord asking for mercy and deliverance. Tobiah refers to God’s creation of Eve for Adam, and reminds God that he has taken Sarah as his wife for a noble purpose. He ends with the beautiful plea, “Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age.”

From the New Testament comes the immortal Chapter 13 of 1^st Corinthians, in which the Apostle Paul speaks a great deal about love, and how nothing is of value and everything is meaningless without it.

These are the readings I most often use, mainly because they are the most requested. And for a Gospel reading, I usually use John 15:12-17, in which Jesus tells his disciples (and us) that we are to love one another as He has loved us. We are to “bear fruit”. Love is not a choice – it is a commandment.

Here are some other suggested Scripture readings appropriate for a wedding ceremony:

OLD TESTAMENT

Psalm 19 – The revelation of God in His creation and in His Word. “The heavens are telling the glory of God.”

Psalm 34:1-10 – In praise of God’s goodness. “I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth.”

Psalm 100 – “Make a joyful noise to the Lord.”

Psalm 128:1-4 – The family that fears the Lord is blessed. “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Lo, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.”

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 –  A bride speaks to her love about faithfulness. “Set me as a seal upon your heart; as a seal upon your arm . . . “

Or how about the shortest (and perhaps best) of all: Proverbs18:22 – “He who finds a wife finds what is good and obtains favor from the Lord.” Need I say more?

NEW TESTAMENT

Romans 12:9-18 – Christian conduct in personal relationships. “Let love be genuine, hate what is evil”. (On the popularity scale, this is a close runner-up to 1^st Corinthians 13).

Ephesians 2:4-10 – We are saved through faith in God. “By grace you have been saved through faith”. (This reading is especially favored by Lutherans – less so by Catholics!).

Philippians 2:1-11 – Christianity 101. The Christian faith in a nutshell. The Bible distilled down into eleven verses.

Colossians3:12-17 – Christianity 102. Another distillation of what it means to be a Christian, and how a true Christian is transformed. Powerful stuff!

GOSPEL

Matthew 5:1-12 – The Beatitudes. If you don’t know them, read them, and you’ll know why this is a good choice.

John 2:1-11 – The wedding at Cana, in which Jesus turns water into wine.

Well, those are just a few suggestions. Do you have any more? Let me know and I’ll put them into a future post.

Submitted by Fr. David St. John. You can contact Fr. David via e-mail at: fatherdavid@cox.net

Filipino and Hispanic weddings emphasize the important traditions of family. In addition to the bridal party (Maid of Honor, Best Man, and other attendants), these weddings often involve the people – family, extended family, and friends – who are important to the couple being married and who have played a significant role in their lives. These people are honored by asking them to be either Principal Sponsors and Secondary Sponsors.

Principal Sponsors

The Principal Sponsors are generally people for whom the couple have great admiration and respect. They are usually couples who attest to the couples readiness to marry. These are often aunts, uncles, and family friends. Their participation also indicates their willingness to provide the couple with wisdom and support in their marriage. The Principal Sponsors are part of the Bridal Procession, usually preceding all others as they come down the aisle and take their seats.

Secondary Sponsors

The Coin Sponsor – The coin bearer is often the child of a friend or relative of the couple. The wedding coins (known as Arras), thirteen in number, traditionally represent Jesus Christ and his twelve apostles. They also represent the solid foundation upon which the couples marriage is to be built. In days past, they represented the fact that the husband would provide for his wife and family. Today, as both husband and wife usually have their own careers, it means that they will provide for each other, in a mutually supportive role.

The Veil Sponsors – Usually a man and woman, the veil sponsors place a white veil over the couple, around the groom’s shoulders, and over the bride’s head. The veil signifies the presence of God in the ceremony, and also it represents the joining together not only of the bride and groom, but also of their two families.

The Cord Sponsors – Usually a man and woman, the cord sponsors place the cord, which is in the shape of a figure-8, over the couples heads, and rest it on the veil. Sometimes the cord is a simple cord, knotted in the middle. Often, it is a large beaded rosary, with a crucifix hanging down the middle. This cord is a symbol of the couple’s bond, and it is to remind them that the holiness necessary to preserve their new marriage can only be obtained by mutual sacrifice and love.

Some brides come to the wedding totally prepared for these Kasalan elements. Others don’t have a clue as to how they work and what they mean. These brides have merely been told by their mothers or grandmothers or aunts that they have to have these elements as part of the wedding. If you feel this would be a meaningful addition to your ceremony and a nice reflection of your heritage, be sure to ask about including them and asking your family to provide these elements as tradition dictates.

Submitted by Fr. David St. John, Independent Catholic priest. Fr. David celebrates Catholic and Christian weddings in the Las Vegas area.

Getting engaged should be a very special event in the life of a couple. This is the time to celebrate that a commitment has been made and a marriage is in the future.

Too often Weddings Las Vegas will get a telephone call from an excited Bride wanting to set a date for her wedding. When asked how long she has been engaged, she might say, “He asked me last night”.  That doesn’t give her much time to just bask in the sunlight of being engaged.

It is during the engagement period that the couple learn about each other, their likes, dislikes, and that they learn to work together as a couple.

Planning the Wedding

Setting the date and venue for the wedding should be a joint project of the bride and groom.  As so many couples today pay for their own wedding, this is the time to plan a budget for the wedding, the honeymoon, and even the first year of marriage. And spending the time planning will quite often give insight as to how the couple will work together in their future as husband and wife.

From the Bride’s viewpoint the most important part of the wedding is the selection of her wedding dress. While the wedding dress is important, its selection and cost should not overshadow the wedding itself. Wise brides are deciding on a budget for their dress and keeping to that budget.

 Unless a bride comes from a wealthy family, spending a great deal of money on a dress that will be worn once, and for only a few hours, is not the best way to begin your married life. Think about what other ways those thousands of dollars could be used. (Yes, thousands. Some regular dresses can cost $5,000 to $10,000 – that would go far toward a downpayment on a house.)

How to Plan

Many brides are at a loss as to where to turn to plan the wedding. In years gone by brides purchased bridal magazines and spent hours cutting out photos of bridal dresses, cakes, honeymoon destinations, etc. Many movies would show groups of young girls getting together to go through bridal magazines, giggling, talking and dreaming.

Today, numerous brides turn to the internet to get the same kind of information. And this is good. They have a much larger source of information which is, virtually, free. With magazine publications costing from $4.95 to $10.95 an issue, just three or four of these magazines can cost as much as a single Rose Presentation for your Bridesmaid.

Money is tight these days and couples need to spend their money wisely in planning their wedding. So think before you purchase that expensive magazine. Could you get the same information off the publication’s web site? Could the money be spent better elsewhere?

Choosing the Wedding Officiant

The Wedding Officiant is the one that will set the tone of the wedding. In light of this, couples should spend some time discussing and writing down what they want said at their wedding. Do they want the world “obey” in it, do they want some religious elements or do they want a completely non-religious ceremony?

And don’t skip here when it comes to paying the Officiant. If you are willing to pay for the photographer and/or the disk jockey – the Wedding Officiant should also get paid. Is there a reason that one Officiant will have a higher fee than another? Thank about it.

You get what you pay for!

Day of the Wedding

On the day of the wedding the Bride and Groom have one job – to relax and be sure they have their Marriage License with them.  They are not there to answer questions from guests. Find someone you trust to answer questions. They are not there to direct guest traffic, find someone to do this for you.

The Wedding Coordinator should be with the Bride to make sure she is comfortable and ready to make her entrance. The coordinator also lines up the procession and gives cues for the music.

Brides – this is your day – you are the STAR of the show. Make it your day, and make it your entrance. Enter the church or chapel, stand still for at least to the count of 10 and then slowly, and I emphasize the word slowly, walk down the aisle. Let all eyes focus on you. And let your groom hold his breath as he visualizes your beauty.

You Are Still Married – No Matter What Happens

Once the wedding is over – the next production is the reception. This is where many of the problems occur. People start drinking immediately and often. Some guests overindulge and can become difficult to handle The food may be late and cold, the cake may be not quite right, or the photographer shows up late, or the Disk Jockey forgot to bring your favorite music.

Any or all of these things may happen, but the bottom line is you ARE married, so really nothing matters but that.

One Final Note

The reception was held in the same location and all the food had been cooked and brought in by the groom’s family (Who loved to cook and were good at it!).

This is simply to show that it isn’t the amount of money you spend, but love of the bride, groom, family and friends who surround the couple and make it all work by coming together.

1. Read your Wedding Confirmation. After you have reserved your wedding package and receive your confirmation, be sure to read through the confirmation and check all the information for accuracy, and make sure you understand and agree with all details specified.
2. Reconfirm. A week or so before your wedding date, contact the chapel or wedding provider and reconfirm the date and time, and any other critical details. This is also the time to make any final changes if there are any.
3. Bring all paperwork, including a copy of your Wedding Confirmation with you when you leave home. The confirmation always includes important instructions and contact information. You will need it when you arrive in Las Vegas.
4. Once you arrive in Las Vegas and are checked your hotel, call the chapel or wedding provider to give them your room number and make sure they have your cell phone number(s) so they are able to contact you, if necessary. If you have arranged limousine transportation with them, this is the time to confirm those details as well.
5. Be ready to go at the appropriate time, and make sure your guests also know where they are going and what time they are supposed to be there.
6. Be at the right place for limousine pick up and make sure any guests or family members traveling with you in the limo are there on time. One common problem occurs when family members are late, thus causing the bride and groom to be late also.
7. Don’t forget to have your marriage license with you, as well as any other important documents. Also, your rings, and any other items necessary for your ceremony.
8. If you have a balance due for your wedding package and are paying it at the chapel on the day of your wedding, be sure to have your credit card or sufficient cash with you. Also, depending upon the wedding package, you will probably need cash for the minister’s fee and for a gratuity to the limousine driver.

Following these simple rules goes a long way toward making sure you will be as relaxed as possible and will have little or nothing to worry about on this very important and romantic day.